That Last Quarter: < half, yet overwhelming and tiptoeing

Friday evening, Q club buzzing with corporate chatters, light dancing, season special cocktails and me
with that Last Quarter of whisky before I call it a night……after that terrible week at work, office politics,
squabble with BF, team issues, all I needed was my love for whisky and mirror! (No one and nothing else
was needed in that moment- really !!)
I was sipping that “Last Quarter” real slow, holding every slipping moment, maximizing pleasure but my
mind was rambling the year-end target pressure and bonus (why does everything boils down to the
“Last Quarter” – Q4 of FY- phew).
Just as trailer of the movie can be deceptive (ask folks who went to watch “Gehraiyaan” for its steamy,
sex appeal 😉, only to find a murder story coupled with complex relationship drama),
performance showcased in first half of the year is a façade…..real mousse is in the last Q. And while we
all know this like back of our hand, we screw it up every single time. Is there a lack of vision? Or is my
lens too blurred today with the effect (pressure) of last Q…. you take a pick and let it be a telltale:
1 Revenue targets: Typical narrative by Advisory corporates to Investors- ‘Q4 is usually our best
performance, we will meet the targets, don’t worry” – having full faith and high hopes, poor investor
is eagerly waiting for that high performance night (in anticipation of all that pleasure)…….Come Q4,
suddenly the narrative sounds like “we didn’t anticipate 3 rd wave/ chip shortage/ stock market
volatility blah blah’ (now doesn’t this sounds like saying ‘didn’t anticipate erectile dysfunction or low
T levels”!)

And while blame game is on, you know who is the collateral damage here? Poor Advisors…..who get
mercilessly bulldozed by the Investors, the shame is they can’t even run on battery and vibrate to
pacify for the loss! 😌
2 Next is profitability dressing: The first 9 months show loss but the last Q amazingly reflect steep
profits (change in product mix/ high profitability orders/ scale benefits/ operational efficiencies-
FUCK as if don’t we know what’s happening behind the scenes??) God only knows where this profit
comes from or may be the best mind is at work – surely this is a bigger puzzle than the big bang
theory. And while everyone loves the ‘undressing’ part, only this undressing is shit scary and can
give you nightmares (makes me remember the so damn true Ashneer Grover’s comment- “Ye sab
doglapan hai”!!).
3 High Inventory and receivables: they say ‘customers didn’t pick the material, collections are
delayed, this is only March end issue, will get normalized in a few months”. Investors response ‘Sure,
I really like you, lets court each other for some more time, I am in no hurry, let the relationship
mature…..”
And all this while, the two potential matches are screwing each other per their own needs (literally
and figuratively), poor advisor is left ‘high and dry’ with no deal closure !! (Ashneer grover yet again-
“Kar kya raha hai tu Bhai”?
4 Lenders calling out “NPA..NPA..”: Erosion of asset class…..wish they could have found holes in
books while lending (ah, you see, how important it is to find “right holes” in life 😄)…….so
worried of not getting a second chance, instead of taking actions, willing to give promoters an
opportunity to submit a resolution plan!
5 Appraisals and promotion cycle: The final nail in coffin- got an e-mail yesterday from my team
member in 360 degree feedback form saying “what is great work, if not a mix of passion, hard work
and commitment, guided by phenomenal leader” and swimming in the memory lane- I looked at
another email from the same guy last year ‘What is life, if not a perfect balance between personal
and professional F***’………..I don’t know if I look so dumb or these young boys think they are the
smartest ass!
And as the sips went down the food pipe (that is what is used to drink as well- right) my last thoughts
with the last and most passionate sip of the BOLD Last Q –
“Only a driver and a drunken need to be slow and steady, not a driven and the liquor”. The so called
Great Investor is like an expensive liquor, everyone’s favorite and in demand and will never run out of
opportunities. If the drunk driver (us poor Advisors) is speeding, accidents are bound to happen – and
one of the damage being my eroded bonus, well I might just enjoy the Last Quarter (to all what is left in
there taking the glass up by 90 degrees).
Hash tag: Deal Share type web pages……some whisky brands, Quorum